Nice!
That's some nice happeh hardcore you've got there. Just some things that could use a little work.
The melodies are pretty much fine, they're all good, but first of all, it could use at least an open hihat between the kicks, and perhaps some closed ones in between all that. It gives it a somewhat fast-paced feeling.
Also, the bass was a bit too sharp. I recommend using more squares in it then saws, it's much easier to listen to. You could also slightly filter it (also with the squares) to reduce the 'annoying' higher frequencies. What also gives it a better sound, is slightly reducing the attack of the bass, so that the notes kinda fade in. If you do this, don't overdo it.
Also, during the breakdown, you could use some more nice hihats to fill up the beats. And I recommend taking another kick, a little softer, so that it will be a nice rest between the choruses.
Also, the second breakdown could use some more variation comparing it to the first. For the second one you could, for example, start it off with a nice impact or crashkick, then filled with a nice soothing piano melody, and then you slowly build up to the chorus. The lenght of the breakdowns was fine, by the way.
Longass review, what a pain, sorry for that :P
Anyway, the songs really nice, you put up a great concept here.
Keep it up!
5/5